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DAVID RUCCI
(A.K.A. REV. VULGARIS) HAS BEEN CHARGED WITH 7 COUNTS OF CYBER
ELECTRONIC ESPIONAGE, 11 COUNTS OF INTERNATIONAL RACKETTERING, 3 COUNTS
OF RANDOM LOVE BOMBING, AND SELLING NATIONAL MILITARY SECRETS VIA
PERCUSSIVE DRUM SIGNALS. HE IS WANTED FOR THE CREATION AND OFF-SHORE
PRODUCTION OF "FUNK-Q-U"...A POTENT NEURO-CHEMICAL AGENT THAT,
ONCE RELEASED INTO THE DRINKING WATER, WILL FORCE THE WORLD TO ENJOY A STYLE
OF MUSIC KNOWN AS "FUNK". DAVID RUCCI IS THE DEADLIEST
NINJA WARRIOR ASSASSIN THAT HAS EVER EXISTED THROUGHOUT RECORDED HUMAN
HISTORY. IT HAS BEEN REPORTED THAT HE CAN MAKE HIMSELF INVISIBLE. HE IS
THE EYES AND EARS OF SLACK, REDERING THE GROUP INVULNERABLE TO OUTSIDE
ATTACK. DO NOT APPROACH. DEATH IS ALMOST GUARANTEED. MAD LIBS CHAMPION.
DRUMMER.
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